Being a music teacher, I am hired to develop my students’ musical abilities. I fill their brains with music of famous composers, theory and rhythm. But maybe even more so than Bach, Handel, or Mozart , the music they hear in their heads is the personal advice I give every time I teach. Am I helping them make good choices in their personal lives? Am I modeling good behaviors? Am I giving them advice that will be playing like a tape loop as music plays in my head?
It was a challenging week as a parent and teacher, to say the least. No matter how old one’s children are, a mother is a mother forever ; giving advice and worrying will never end. My children and students at school provided me with many sleepless nights this week.
My daughter, a college senior has so much reason for worry. She is preparing a very ambitious senior piano recital, even though she is a Spanish major/music minor. She has prepared 9 pieces beginning with Bach and ending with George Crumb totaling well over an hour of music. While doing this, she is scanning every potential job opportunity for when she graduates, working a few hours a week at the Red Cross, volunteering at an autistic school and, let’s not forget, attending her regular every day classes. This morning she landed in Costa Rica for a much needed spring break.
My son, a college freshman showed what he was made of by making dean’s list first semester. This semester, not only is he taking a normal freshman load, but also auditing Japanese classes and catering for work study. He planned spring break in Mexico. After much research and news warnings, we put a halt to the trip. Needless to say, it put major stress on our relationship. He has earned a spring break, but being the mom, I was so scared about the destination, I felt I had to step in. All week I have been very stressed out about this, so worried that I was ruining my relationship with my boy. Parent advice, once again, absolutely what he does not want to hear.
Then I got a phone call from my daughter. She had just finished an afternoon at the autistic school. She called to tell me “she got it”. She was pushing a child on a swing and all of a sudden the “parent worry instinct” over came her; she was so worried that the child was going to fall off and get hurt. She said she could only push in little bits because if the child fell she would be responsible. “Now I see why you worry so much about my brother and me. If I ever have kids I am going to wrap them in bubble wrap,” she said. I was laughing so hard and was so proud; my daughter was thanking me and showing that she was becoming an adult. It was a moment that I will always treasure. She even called her brother to share her revelation.
Also this week my high school students had a big argument during rehearsal. It ended with one girl leaving the rehearsal. After class she came in to talk to me about it. I put on my mom shoes and went to work. We chatted for about 30 minutes. After a few laughs, tears and tons of advice, she left with a game plan for future conflicts, I think.
As educators and parents we need to give advice to students of all ages, whether they think they need it or not. Will those words waltz around their head like a song on their i-pod? Will they heed our words? Will they continue to respect us regardless of how ridiculous they think our advice is? My guess is yes. I still hear my parents words and am very close to both of my parents.
I turned out ok.
love it. well said friend. lucky kids and students you have, too. have a great evening.
You have great kids and you are an awesome parent. I know how we worry too much about our kids. We just want them to be safe, not suffer and be successful. However, there are kids that just wants to learn the hard way. I’ve got a bunch of those. Consider yourself blessed that your daughter had this bulb light experience on responsibility and connecting it with you. Being piano teachers, we are trying to step into a “nurture-like” role with our students. I think this is one aspect that makes teaching very fulfilling.
You have great kids and you are an awesome parent. I know how we worry too much about our kids. We just want them to be safe, not suffer and be successful. However, there are kids that just wants to learn the hard way. I’ve got a bunch of those. Consider yourself blessed that your daughter had this bulb light experience on responsibility and connecting it with you. Being piano teachers, we are trying to step into a “nurture-like” role with our students. I think this is one aspect that makes teaching very fulfilling.
P.S. – Sorry, forgot to tell you great post!
These days I really look to parents with older children for advice on what’s up ahead. My kids are only 3 and 7 and somehow I thought that at some point I’d stop worrying. I’m starting to see that the worrying never stops!! I must too mention how much I admire you for the great job you’ve done with your kids and also for the kind of teacher that you are. It’s a pleasure to read your blog.
Oh I really enjoyed this post. Your children sound amazing. You must be so proud of them. And even if your son didn’t like your intervention now, he will – one day – look back and thank you for it. He may never verbalize it – but he will thank you for being the Mom who stepped out in faith and protected him. Your daughter is inspiring. Your son is ambitious. Sounds like you’ve done a great job. I hope when my kids are older they will still be close enough to me to call me with their “Aha!!” moments. That is a treasure, Sfrack.
As a younger person, I had that “I get it, now!” moment when my cat was injured and I stayed up all night with him until we could get to the vet the next morning. I told my mother I was never going to have children. If I was that upset over the cat’s pain, how much worse would it be if it had been my child? She just laughed. Of course, I did have a child! She’s only 6 now, but I still don’t know how I’d let her board a plane to go anywhere without me! I’m sure that your children and students alike will remember how deeply you care.
Your kids sound fabulous, well done.
I too, look to people I admire and respect with kids older than mine and try to learn from them.